I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
