Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
