I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
