Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize