there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
