Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
