i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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