i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
