wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize