I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
