Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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