I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
