i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
