I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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