Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
