a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
