In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
