Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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