people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
