I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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