cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I smell stomach acid.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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