My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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