Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
