I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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