I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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