Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
