So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
