I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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