i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
