i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
