oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
