the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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