I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
