party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
