We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
