i don't like sucking hair
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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