don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
