her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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