The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
