I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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