Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
