1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
