In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
