I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
