Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
