You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
