instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
