I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
