i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
