In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
