I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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