Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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