I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
