Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
