If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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