is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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