What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
did i just pee glitter
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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