george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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