he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
