the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
