Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
