I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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