I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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