he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
