we're blogging at a bar
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
