at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
