Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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