i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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