You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
