cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
