Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
